through the video camera


So, last week I had to do a group presentation for one of my modules – and we only had two weeks to compile and get the abstract approved, and create and practice the project on a topic which was entirely out of my comfort zone; sustainability.

It was interesting for me to work with entirely new people all of which were differing ages and from different disciplines to my own, and although at time it was challenging, it was an experience I relished. I got my grade back yesterday and came away with a first for that part of my course- YES! I couldn’t have got a better grade, and presenting is what I generally see as one of my weaker points..I was so happy! It was this presentation that I wanted to consider though…because we were filmed doing it.

I have just found it online, and watched myself present (it is meant to be an exercise to see any “ticks” or obscurities that you carry across whilst presenting, and then to be able to correct these and improve yourself for the future) but I just looked at myself and was proud. THat sounds ridiculous, and smug – but its true. Whilst presenting I had my little notecards, I had practised enough but I stood there and I was nervous and I made one or two awkward mistakes where my voice broke or something ridiculous – but I laughed it off and carried on. I look up at the aurdience, I made contact with them. When it was the question session I could laugh and be serious, I could encourage people in my team and answer questions – and I looked confident. I watched myself and thought, I’m not too bad. And you know what? When I was presenting I felt it too – a surge of confidence which said yeah, look at me. I know what I am talking about, ask me questions, I will know the answer. I worked hard on this and I am proud of it and It really made all the difference.

I know that sounds so up myself, and like a post that was purely to brag – and maybe it was a tiny bit of self indulgence to write this. And if so, I am sorry. But it was amazing for me to see myself standing infront of a group and talking and laughing and being normal and strong and confident, succesding in my studies at least in this area. BEcause it was only 10 months ago I started this blog, and less than that that I was rushed to hospital in an ambulance, and less that that again that I was lying in my hospital bed feeling alone and demoralised and unable to see myself getting back on track at university. For so much of second year I shied away from the spotlight because of Crohns and the awkward rumblings and the insecurities and everything else that came with it// But know I have beaten that.

Just on a side note (and I cant believe I didn’t post about it!) I GOT RESULTS BACK FROM A COLONOSOPY LAST WEEK AND I AM OFFICIALLY CROHNS FREE. sorry, don’t mind me while I victory dance away in this corner *woop*

Flying high guys, up in the clouds today…hope you are all up here with me πŸ™‚

Happy days indeed

H xx

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Colonoscopy 2 done and dusted. OUCH.


owwwww

owwww

owww

oww

ow

ow.

Seriously. Just to re-iterate. IT HURT THIS TIME.

So. I needed this colonoscopy to be done, because its 9 months since my operation and I have been due to have it for the past 3 months, but unfortunately due to personal circumstances, university work and several other reasons I wasn’t able to get it done. Regardless of knowing that this was coming for a long time, I was not ready for it! I have been trying to act casual and stay calm forΒ a long time about it, even talking it down to my boyfriend and housemates – but I was terrified both of the procedure, the cannulas and the fact that I would be hearing results and I was nervous about what they would be!

Anyway I took the Picolax for the last day, and this morning as required. I also was fasting and being generally a little nervous and miserable! Although to be fair, my friends did a fantastic job of keeping me busy and keeping my mind of it. So this morning I was hanging out in my house with my housemates who were all hungover from a night out (which I couldn’t go on :/ damn crohns!) and then they had to go out / go home so I had a 2 hour wait before my dad arrived to take me to the hospital. I watched some iplayer and then packed a bag; since I decided to come home for the weekend to recover and see the fam.

We got there at just before 3, and were shown to my room where the nurse came and asked for the last few details – and then I had to do a pregnancy test to check (NEGATIVE incase anyone was worried πŸ˜‰ – I wasn’t!) and then got in the gown etc and waited. Spoke to my consultant again, who is soooo lovely – and then about half an hour later a nurse came to collect me and off we went. I was pretty nervous but everyone was lovely and I settled down and got the oxygen mask on before they put the cannula in my left elbow for the sedation drug. However it wasn’t in properly or shifted so when they tried to inject anything it REALLY hurt and when I told them they decided they had to do the other one as well; which was horrible and painful and I hated every minute! I don’t think I had enough / as much sedation as last time because I was all too aware of what was going on! Regardless we ploughed on, and got it done – although at time it was so so painful I was moaning and yelling! It was so uncomfortable and although everyone was lovely I was near to tears at times; very unlike when I last had it done. The upside of all this drama was that…

…he said there is no signs of crohns returning at the moment! YES YES YES YES YEEEEES!

So very happy, only just really starting to sink in now! They took some biopsies (how weird to see on the camera them pinching out bits of your insides haha) so waiting for those results, but feeling so happy about it all!

Finally got wheeled back to my room, had lots to drink and a sandwich then quite a long nap! Dad and I just got home and am spending the evening chilling out at home and getting some TLC and trying to let my poor left arm recover, its seriously sore!

So a painful day, but one that was worth it for the news I just heard!

Apologies for the long post! Wishing you all a pain-free happy weekend πŸ™‚

H x