Okay, so I didn’t manage to write a post yesterday – but that was just because everything went a bit mad with the job things, and I had to do interview prep and basically am just making excuses for failing at day 4 of my “post-a-day”. But, I am back online and at it again – so if it is just one day here or there, I will cut myself some slack!
Today I had an interview with a recruitment company, which is something I am considering going to work in, although I have no experience in it before – the money and career progression, and ability to work hard and earn more really appeals to me, that bit more control over my work. Plus, I always work hard and try to over-achieve, so I may as well get paid extra for it! I was really nervous but the interviewer was lovely, she really put me at ease and I think it went really well; and hopefully my answers were good. I will be interested to see if she thought the same and I get invited back again! However, the hours (12 hours days!) is something that really made me pause for that. Do I really want that? Is the money worth it? Do I care enough? And also…could my body take it? Because I don’t think so. Often a half day is enough to wipe me out, I am genuinely not sure that my fatigued, crohns- ridden little body could cope. So, a consideration. And potentially not the job for me, but good practice.
Currently I am in the midst of trying to get hold of one of the recruiters helping me, who wants to fire me off to more interviews tomorrow, but I am pushing back to try and just set them up for next week – 10am tomorrow is not enough time to prepare, not feel focussed and ready. However my recruiter, who I am sure is awesome at his job, is very pushy and doesn’t like taking no for an answer!
I am still stuck in the midst of a conundrum (great word, well used me) of what to do. I don’t want to feel like a failure, like I gave up to early, like I didn’t try hard enough for museums. But. I just want to move on, to succeed in something, to move out, to earn money, to feel like I accomplishing something genuine and real and tangible. And to move to London. To live in one place full time. And join a gym, and a dance club and so much more. To get back so many aspects of my life that I just don’t feel that I have right now in this perpetually “paused” state that my life seems to have undertaken. It is a big decision, and a scary one, and maybe neither answer will feel right, so I just have to do my best. Like always.
Another day, another ramble.
Until next time,