Trying to draw a line under it…


Okay, so there is no easy way to summarise my feelings from the break up, or how I am feeling now. So I am not sure there is much point trying. I am doing my best, going to therapy, looking after myself, trying to plan new things, and focussing on my family, friends and the other positives in my life. However, it is hard to ignore and still a battle I am fighting each and every day to try and not let it overcome me.

I was finding it too hard to blog, because the breakup was so consuming that I didn’t know how to write about anything else, but now I look back and don’t want that to be a reason that I stop writing, not when this blog has meant so much to me in the past. So, I am back, and going to do my best!

I have a hospital appointment tomorrow morning to practice doing another test-Β  some kind of swallow-the-camera-in-a-pill (not sure that is the technical name!). And before you do the test you have to do a practice with a placebo pill to make sure it agrees with your system, so that is what I am going to be doing. Then on Wednesday for a check up, then hopefully it will go okay and I can crack on with getting the ACTUAL test done, finally. I am also hoping to do some blood tests tomorrow, or Wednesday, to keep on top of everything. Sometimes being in remission means its to easy to forget how bad everything can be. I have been through one of the most stressful times of my life, andΒ I am feeling beyond grateful that my crohns (thus far) hasn’t been impacted by that!

I am working full time, by working 2 part time jobs, and loving them. Although I need something a bit more permanent! And hopefully better paid πŸ˜‰

Anyway, that’s a mini update for now, and I hope to get back on track with the positivity and focus that this blog used to contain for me.

Big hugs

H x

Advertisements

Let’s smash this πŸ‘ŒπŸΌ


okay so sometime you gotta fake it till you make it. I may not be sure of myself and of my future, but If I’m not positive about it, then it definitely won’t happen! 

I am gonna ACE the last few weeks at my job, making some extra money and helping them out.

I may be the heaviest I have been, but I am going to LOVE the way I look because it is a result of everything I have been through and I am going to PERSEVERE (had to google how to spell that!) with trying to lose weight, one day it WILL happen

I am going to ENJOY my new masters and make new friends and continue to be a happy, friendly person

I will NERD UP , study hard and SUCCEED at my masters. It is something I love and something o know I can do well at.

I will get ORGANISED and make sure I get on with my volunteering, being a HELPER-FAIRY- ARCHAEOLOGY-MUSEUM-WOMAN getting involved in as many projects as I can to boost my CV, my confidence and experience, and who knows, someone may even pay me for it!

I will CALM DOWN about my finances, obviously money is a concern but I can get through this and I have committed so I may as well push for the best outcome

I can be happy for the change in others lives and their ACHIEVEMENTS without feeling like I pale in comparison. Everyone is different else life would be boring. 

I will SQUASH my crohns insecurities and take on anything it throws at me. Again. Hah. 
I can do all this, and more. I need to focus on the amazing potential this year has and not all the scary parts. It is hard to keep on track and everything but I need to keep trying. Let’s do this. 

H x

Deep breaths…


so my last post may have been written during floods of tears curled up in – guess where – the bathroom; as per. When I get stressed ir upset I get tummy ache, which really helps.
Still having a bit of a rocky day, but it feels like a rock pool instead of the tidal wave tsunami I faced yesterday. Feeling more positive and determined, this shit won’t beat me. I got offered my masters course today. I have potential. I have a future. Screw you crohns. 

New Years Resolutions?


New Years Resolutions?

I don’t often make any New Years Resolutions…they are the usual “go to the gym” “be healthy” “pass my exams”… and this year it wasn’t until I was reading around on wordpress about all the resolutions everyone else has made that I decided to make some myself…yes I am 3 days late but SHH…lets ignore that πŸ˜‰

I spent a chilled out New Years Eve with my auntie and almost-uncle (her boyfriend of over 10 years), due to just getting out of hospital I wasn’t up for much but we just ate some dinner, played a board game and watched a film then some of the new years programs – nothing mind blowing but nice, safe, relaxed and easy. Just what I needed! At the time all I was thinking about was wishing that 2014 would bring me better health than 2013, and that the only way was upwards; but I think in retrospect a resolution has to be something that we can influence, something we can do to make a positive difference to our own lives, and my Crohns is actually something I have very little control over. It is all very well wishing and hoping that this year brings me some relief from the disease, and I will do so until I am blue in the face- but realistically there is a limited amount of control I have. So, I need to make some other resolutions that I can keep, and can motivate myself to do. So here they are:

– I aim to continue to be consistent and thorough in beating Crohns in whatever way I can, be it taking all the medicine regurlarly, making all the blood tests, and general organisational skills

– I aim to not let Crohns get me down any more. If I am having a bad day then fine, wallow, get it out my system; but I will not lose sight of all the positives that I have in my life, and I will focus on getting back into my routine and being happy. Crohns will not bring me down!

– I will try to keep this blog up and active, and aim to increase the numbers of followers, readers and commenters – the more the merrier, and not only do I feel like I can spread awareness, but it makes me more positive and gives me a focus.

– I will try to raise money for Crohns disease research, heaven knows we need more awareness, support and money placed into researching the causes and solutions.

– Pass my exams, and my coursework and do not get demotivated, keep working through it! Find a topic for my dissertation!

– maybe most importantly of all? appreciate the friends and family I have around me, and work to keep all those relations as they are, or improve them. Crohns doesn’t define me, it is simply one small part of me – and I do not want to let it take over the rest of me. It can stay in its little box whilst I get on with my life.

Im not sure if they are practical, or if they are what some people would consider “real” resolutions, but for me they are a lot, they are enough, they are good to aim for. This post has turned out a bit… I don’t know what the word is, but a bit..pompous? a bit too “I am going to aim perfection I can achieve anything if I believe” which I know as well as the next person just isn’t true. Sometimes though, on a good day, you need to aim high and far, in an attempt to keep your chin above the water, and give yourself some positive aims for the future, and that’s just what I have done πŸ™‚

Hope you guys all had a lovely New Years, and are looking forward to a positive 2014!

H x