Just an add-on to yesterdays post, this is my right arm yesterday with the cannula in – the first in my left was unsuccessful and is still painful today
I sent this as a snapchat to a few of my friends who wanted updates on how yesterday went and I was too shaky, nervous or sedated to type properly – so a quick snap was perfect!
Something that made me sad, but also made me laugh ; was that so many of my friends were grossed out ir shocked by how medical it looks- in a hospital gown and bed with needles taped into your arm. Yes jt isn’t the nicest sight, and Im not exactly the biggest fan of it- but I am so used to it now, so used to hospitals and the procedures and the rest that it seems not so bad to me. It saddens me that my life is just that little bit different to all my friends in that this scene is a part of my life and one that is still so alien to them. This “casual-ness” (sorry no idea of a better word ahha) on my part towards the procedures backfired a little bit yesterday when I acted fine but then reality hit me about two hours before the colonoscopy and I felt so sick and shaky- putting on a brave face is fine but I need to remember to allow myself a panic and time to prepare!
So, along my lines of being more positive, this is the next happy post!
I have always LOVED taking pictures, and so today (having got very bored of sitting around doing nothing at home still in recovery from my operation) I decided to get on with doing something productive and a little more fun! I decided to start on my first photography project, and my brother joined in for some of the shots too. Then I uploaded them and edited a few version, one the original, one all black and white and one in coloured filters – the one I attached to this post. What do you all think?
I had had a falling out with my brother earlier – he had refused to drive me to the doctors to sign up for a repeat prescription when I still cant walk that far on my own; and it all descended badly. It was so frustrating, I hate the fact that I am not back to being independent. Then I ended up arguing with my mum about her having to get off work to come take me…the texting ended up something like this:
” I don’t want you to take me. forget it. I have done NOTHING wrong. It is not my fault that I need this medication. It is not my fault that I needed an operation and still cant drive or walk that far. It is not my fault my brother refuses to take me or help me when I need it. None of that is my fault, but its what I have and I cant help it. You have already helped me 50 million times over and I get that, but this is not. my. fault”
Yeah…so that happened. Maybe it wasn’t fair, but it was so frustrating – I hate the fact that Crohns put me in these situations, and puts others around me out because of it, but I just cant help it.
SO I decided to make a bad day into a good one, and take up the camera! And it worked, I had such a lovely time taking them and really am proud of them 🙂 And Editing them all took most of the afternoon, and it meant that I didn’t get so bored!
LOVE LOVE LOVE