Interviews done, motivation up. Day 3, 2017


I almost feel like I am writing a ships blog, with the whole “day 3 into the unknown, 2017 thus far…” feel in the title. But I hope that writing the days will help me to keep on track with my “post a day” plan.

I was hoping to upload some photos into this post, to make it a bit less boring – that is something ELSE I need to improve on. Post more, write succinctly, add imagery – ie redo my entire blog writing style, after all, who wants to read these rambles at the best of times, may as well make them pretty!

So, the big dilemma of today is JOBS (can refer to yesterdays post if you wanted to see an original mini-rant on the topic, but feel free to just join in with this one today :P). I am at a crossroads in my career – or maybe the starting block, or a starting block with multiple lanes to run down? Not quite sure which is the correct metaphor, but in essence I have to get a job and start my career and I have no idea which way to turn, or how to do it. Which is stressful. Anyway, today I had a great interview with a “sales and recruitment” recruiter- who focus on getting graduates into these kind of jobs, and YIPPEE they liked me, and have agreed to help me, and I am infact sat by my phone now waiting for them to call to discuss opportunities starting ASAP. Which is great, and exciting, and gives me the potential to earn money, move out, get on with my life. All yay…..

…But. And its quite a bit but (cheeky, not in that way 😉 ) It will mean kind of giving up on the museum thing. I  mean, it wont. I will still keep an eye out for museum stuff, and hope that the new experience and job skills may help in the future. But, I kinda feel like I am failing by not carrying on with the museum stuff alone. By not being strong enough to just say “nope this is what I want, and this is what I am going to do”. But I have done that, for about 3 and a half months now. And that’s a long time to fail, and to have no job and no money. And so I think I might do it. Might take this other job, to give myself experience, and money and move forward. And hope that one day I can get back to the museum stuff. But what if I cant? Am I letting myself down? My family down?  Will people judge me? is this a mistake? Will I hate it? Who even knows. Argh. Its a big weight on my mind, and I am not good at decisions at the best of times!

 

Anyway, crossroads/ wonky starting block/ confused little life path. All must be overcome. At least I remembered to blog, I supposed.

H x

3 ways I have succeeded despite Crohns…


  1. I am doing my masters.

This is something I didn’t think would be possible through the mid-point of my second year at Undergraduate. I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t function on my own and totally relied on my friends to support me.  I was a walking, talking crohns-monster, and I am so thankful that through a combination of medication, operations, and love and support from my family and friends, that I have been able to emerge out the other side all the stronger for it. I am working hard, yes I am only in uni 3 days a week, but more because I can’t afford the train tickets than anything else! Yes, I am napping most days when I can. Yes, I am PILING on the weight because I am snacking more than ever just to get energy. Yes, I cry and feel defeated when it all gets too much, BUT it isn’t stopping me. I cant wait to hand in my dissertation, to crack on with the job hunt, and to walk down the dissertation aisle for the second time, head held high with my family around me, just to prove that I could. Coz Crohns ain’t stopping me.

 

2. I have a long-term boyfriend, and am managing semi-successfully

I know that doesn’t seem like it has anything to do with crohns for some of you, but that, probably, is because you don’t quite understand how it affects every single aspect of my life.  It affects my self esteem a lot, I think more than I realised. I don’t think I am good enough for him, I think he can do better, I get scared he will be bored of my medicine, and fatigue and general bad-days. I get worried he will get sick of my moaning. I fear he will out-grow me, and move onto someone less broken. But, so far, he hasn’t. And I pray to every god, or shooting star or lucky coin that he won’t, because as of right now he keeps me motivated and happy, and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. Thank you for being my best friend, my rock and my saviour 🙂

 

3. I am living a normal, ish, life

I have had quite a lot of stress in my life recently – my dad and stepmum split up, my boyfriend is moving out of his home into a new one, and I have realised my career prospects sseem pretty much 0. And yes, I have cried, and panicked, and hidden under the duvet to escape reality. But I made it out, I pulled the covers back and I am going on. I see my friends, I see my boyfriend, I see my family, I do my work, I plan events, I do everything I want to do (almost!). There are many things holding me back right now – job availability, money, etc, but my illness isn’t one of them. HELLS NO. On a trip with uni this weekend I told 2 people on my course about crohns – the first ones at this uni to know; and that had had no idea! And THAT is super exciting!

 

 

Maybe these things don’t sound like much, and maybe they aren’t. I hope this post wasn’t too self-indulgent. Maybe it is a way to boost my spirits before my impending colonscopy – number 4 at aged just 22, blooooody fantastic. Either way, everyone deserves a little self-congratulation once in a while. So, make sure you give yourself a pat on the back for all the good, and let the bad slide every now and again, cut yourself a break.

 

Be happy, be positive and keep fighting onwards,

H x

What if money was no object?


http://airows.com/lifestyle/what-if-money-was-no-object

I think you can tell form my last few posts that I am really struggling with my decision making…and this morning my boyfriend sent me this link and it made me smile. I know what I want to do, I just don’t quite know how to get there. But I think that’s okay for now, as long as I can push myself to keep trying!  There are so many different things / jobs / roles I would want to do in my life, and if I experience just a few of them, then I should be counting myself as lucky 🙂

Hope you enjoy the video!

H x