Hello, 2017. Day 1.


Firstly – HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I hope that each and everyone of you reading this has a year full of happiness, health and success ahead of you.

Now time for my guilty confession.  I realised that I wrote at the end of my last post that I would try to blog each day, but messed up and then decided to start again. For 2017. To try and write more regularly – maybe a post-a-day for January, but that may well not happen, but, I will try. I have enough pressure in my life, and feelings of failure – so I don’t want to make that as a commitment and fail, instead, its just something I am going to try, nice and casually.

 

So, a short thought, quote, or update per day. Lets start with – New Years! I welcomed in the New Year with a mini house party at my boyfriends, surrounded by home and uni friends, and it couldn’t have been more perfect. We drank, we chatted, we laughed, we danced, and we welcomed the new year in with a bang. I hope that is how this year can continue, full of happiness surrounded by the people I love.

This year is one which I am sure will bring plenty of changes for me, hopefully involving my career, moving out, and I think a turning (hopefully not breaking!) point with my boyfriend. I feel like I am overdue a little bit of success, so watch this space! Obviously, Crohns is an ever-present part of my life, which I hope to keep in remission at arms length for as long as possible!

 

Anyway, a short update from me.

H x

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Get it out…..your belly I mean…


#GYBO

I am sure a lot of you might have seen or heard of this campaign – especially if you are a fellow sufferer. And I know I have mentioned it before, but just thought I would drop another quick line about it. (sorry, second post of the day – promise this one will be short 😉   ) I have joined the facebook group, along with about 2500 others who are either affected or live with those affected or the like. I am yet to post on the wall, for several reasons; but every day try to keep roughly up to date with the stories, comments, jokes, pictures, videos and sometimes cries for help or advice that are appearing there every day.

As such a large group there are of course troubles, there are sometimes little virtual skirmishes when people leave or have disagreeing views – but this is only to be expected, in the real world if you put 2500 people in a room and asked them to discuss a topic so close to their heart there would always be disagreements! I like this group, because it gives a (hopefully) safe place for people to vent, chat, meet and support each other who are all going through similar hardships. I like the fact that all the grisly details are mentioned and nobody bats an eyelid, we have all been there. I like the fact that people meet and go and support each other. I like the fact that people talk about totally unrelated topics – there is a lot more to each of us than simply being a sufferer.

If you are suffering from Crohns, IBD, or UC it might be an idea to check it out (:

H x

The big 50!


Just got an email that told me… I reached 50 followers today!

Thank you so much to everyone who reads, follows, comments and likes the thing I am writing – you guys have no idea how nice it is to get those emails, and although I began this blog to help me on a personal level it really does make my day when I realise other people can connect to what I write, and it gives me the chance to connect to others too.

Sorry, this is probably the most boring post I have written so far (and therefore not very encouraging for new followers!) but I just wanted to say thanks, and thanks again. 🙂 Please keep sharing it around, lets see how big of a community we can build 🙂

 

Anyway I am writing this with a massive smile on my face – I never thought anyone would bother reading what I write, so its such a lovely achievement for me! To make sure you all have just as lovely evening as me – here are some hilarious animal-related pictures to make you smile. Yes, I know they are irrelevant, and Yes I promised myself not to put this sort of rubbish on my blog, because it actually had a genuine purpose. But sometimes, people just need to smile!

 

Enjoy!

H x

ImageImage

 

Birthdays, Cake and Itching


So I went home for this weekend for one of my little brothers birthdays – he was 3 on sunday, and literally adorable! We had such a lovely weekend in the sun, and my other brother was home too which was really nice 🙂 had  a family filled weekend, and it was just what I needed! Ate way too much birthday cake, laughed pretty much the whole time and had a massive catch up with them all, just perfect!

 

Anyway I drove back to uni yesterday and had a pretty standard day in lectures; and went to trampolining in the evening from 8-10 which was such good fun!  I used to do it back at school, but haven’t done it in years so was so nice to be bouncing again! It was a bit scary and I need to re-learn some of the moves I used to be able to do, but HEY I can jump around, lift things all after eating whatever I wanted and why is that I hear you ask? Because I am still feeling so great health – crohns- wise. WOO.

 

On a slightly more sour health note woke up today and got a massive VERY itchy rash all over my arms and slightly onto my shoulders. Out of coincidence I was seeing the doctor today anyway and she said she thought it was just a reaction to something my skin didn’t like, but that if it persists or gets worse to get a blood test done as it could be a reaction to the Azthripaarine I am taking. As I type this I can feel the rash spreading, I cant focus on anything without itching – but I cant tell how much of that is just in my head. BLEUGH. any advice on relieving some of the scratch-factor would be greatly appreciated!

 

Hope you are all well

 

H x

How do you know when you are better?


How do you know when you are better?

Does anyone actually know the answer to that question? Because if you do I sure as hell would like to hear it!

The picture attached is of my scar yesterday – in 4 days it will be 3 months since my operation; and in my humble opinion I think it is healing quite nicely, and I am certainly feeling a lot like myself than I used to! In fairness this picture may be doing the scar almost too much justice – I think flash was on; in reality the scar is a more prominent colour – a dark red / pink line snaking down from my tummy button, but its narrowing and healing well 🙂 I am eating fine, excercising, cycling and being able to do what I want with my friends- so I would definitely call that a positive outcome.

But sometimes there is that niggling fear – that worry that it is back already. Sometimes my stomach still grumbles really loudly, not as bad as before, but for definite there. It is when I am lying trying to sleep at night the worry really hits me, is it back? Am I ill? How do I know when things are getting bad again? And then the irrational anger that hits at about 3am…well that’s it. I am ill. Crohns is back. I didn’t even get three months, THREE MONTHS is that all I am allowed to be healthy for?! Can I do it again? Can I get through that operation and the pain and the waiting and the diagnosing all over again? No. I give up that’s it…… and so on. And I wake up every morning feeling fine again and laughing in my head about my overreaction. but it is there – that subconscious fear that its coming back, that I am still not quite back to normal…will I ever be free of that gnawing concern? Maybe not, but I would sure as hell prefer to learn to live with that than the crippling cramps I was having before 🙂

I am taking the medication and all is going well, I thought I would see if any others of you suffer from the paranoia I get, but maybe not…let me know 🙂 Otherwise my only other concern is trying to work out what vitamin tablets and the like to take – and I know its bad but right now I just cant be bothered, I am too busy actually living my life to sit around and plan for tablets anymore. I know I know, its asking for trouble – but they aren’t as important as my actual medication which I take without fail, and the blood tests I am still on top of.

Sorry for the random nature of this post, I didn’t mean for it to have such a bad flow and be dotting here and there – I guess you can now see how my brain truly works, a real peak into my head! As of this minute I am sat at my uni desk having stuffed myself on a roast lunch we cooked, with the sun on my desk, a smile on my face and typing this before I head to an ice cream parlour with my bestie. Bliss.

Be Happy,

H x

Scars, Siblings and Smiling


My scar is looking brilliant, considering it is less than a month old! (see my older post: https://livingmylifewithcrohns.wordpress.com/2014/01/12/the-greatest-healing-therapy-is-friendship-and-love/ for a picture a few days ago) Although, to be fair I have never had an operation before, or even a proper scar, so I actually have very little idea about how it should be healing / looking like 3 and a half weeks in – but regardless I am very proud of my little body soldiering on through and fixing itself…well, it does owe me, its not like it normally works properly!

ANYWAYYY I am back home and am loving catching up on some missed family time, and enjoying the feeling of getting healthier and stronger again. My little siblings (a brother aged 2 and a sister aged 6…also a younger brother aged 18 but he isn’t really involved in this story 😉 ) LOVE looking at my scar, they find it hilarious. Most days when I get back into the house my youngest brother goes “me see your tummy tunnel, tummy tunnel!!!” which also involves squirming around and trying to pull my top up, no matter who else is in the room..awks. He loves it, he thinks its so weird, as soon as I show him he always looks shocked and goes “it very big” and then poddles off! My sister takes it one step further, this was our conversation yesterday:

“I want to see too if he gets to” Me : “Okay, look, its the same as yesterday.”
“Hmm…Its quite scratchy like isn’t it”
Me: “What…?”
“Well, it looks like a big scratch, but not a very good one because its a teeny weeny bit wiggly if you look really close. And my scratches are never wiggly like that.”
Me: “Oh. I know, it looks pretty weird, but it looks so much better than it used to, I think in the future we will hardly be able to see it”
“REALLY?!?! Well I don’t know it at the start because you had a big plaster on and wouldn’t let me see. remember?! Even though I showed you my wobbly tooth straight away”
Me:”Sorry. The doctor said I had to!”
“I think your doctor might not be very good. He made your tummy worse – now it has a big hole in and a weird scratch!”
Me: “No, he was making it better I feel…..right everyone left the room. good”

They make me laugh, blatant honesty is all you can expect and I love the fact that she still sees my illness as worse now than before because of my “wonky scratch”, what an innocent way to view it all, I love it!
Aside from that my recovery is continuing slowly, I am hoping to return to university next weekend – fingers crossed! I am so sick of being the ill kid and missing out on all the fun and everything involved with being there! I have missed all my exams and coursework deadlines – so have been busily filling out lots of paperwork, forms “evidence sheets” and the like to submit to my university so that they can grant me special considerations and then allow me to retake / re submit later in the year. FINGERS CROSSED. Well, not fingers crossed, if they decline it I have failed the semester and will be kicking up one hell of a fuss, since this is what I was told to do! Anyway, that rant is for another day 😉

I have been busy this morning ringing around the hospital and insurance companies, in an attempt to square everything out, because my organisational skills went downhill fast with the operation, I just had too much else on my mind! BLEUGH. I am having such bad sleep at the moment, I don’t manage to fall asleep until something crazy like 3am most days, even though I am in bed from about 11.30; too much on my mind I think .I am making list after list on my phone of things to do, and then slowly trying to work through them the next day…what an exciting life I lead!

Anyway, just thought my scar anecdote might bring a smile to a few of your faces. Apologies for the rest of the ramble! Just remember, as long as your smiling, you will be okay! Whether you have your own wonky scratch as a physical reminder of your disease or not; find something about the situation that will make you smile when things get tough, its the best medicine!

H x