Heartbreak update.


I don't even know where to begin. My heart hurts. my head hurts. My body hurts. Everything hurts. I miss him. So much. I am lying here on a Saturday morning, when nobody else is awake. And knowing I should be at his house. Curled up in his arms. Ready for the rugby today - we…

Mixed Feelings today


Hey all, I just thought I had better post, because its been a while since I have and I don't want to get back out of the habit! Today is a weird one (so strap in ready for a rollercoaster!).. its a mix of being satisfied, happy, miserable, lonesome, proud, determined, dis-heartened and loved. Not…

Humira’s a b*tch 


I try so hard not to swear, but I literally have 0 other way of describing it.  WHY AM I SO RUBBISH AT IT. Actually, seriously, why?  Still results in a crying mess, shaking and feeling ill. Still can't just "get it over with". Still feel like a stupid baby afterwards.  This post has literally…

Colonoscopy 2 done and dusted. OUCH.


owwwww owwww owww oww ow ow. Seriously. Just to re-iterate. IT HURT THIS TIME. So. I needed this colonoscopy to be done, because its 9 months since my operation and I have been due to have it for the past 3 months, but unfortunately due to personal circumstances, university work and several other reasons I…

just keep swimming…just keep swimming…


  I highly doubt that it is only me that feels this way, in fact I have heard others express these feelings before - but maybe it does everybody good to know that others get stuck in this rut too? The one where you feel like you FINALLY have got things starting to move forward…

I think its back, and I am scared


I think, I have a gut feeling, that its back. I hope its not, I hope I am wrong, I hope I am being paranoid. All through this process whenever I was given options - for example "we are starting this medicine theres a 70% chance it will work, but if not we can up the dose"…

Friday the 13th….a really bad day


As if the doctors appointment, blood tests and then the MRI weren't enough...Friday the 13th had to arrive. And I'm not superstitious, but maybe I should be. I had cramps starting about 4pm, and then had to retire to bed about 8pm, just felt so ill! Anyway later in the night I just woke up…