Happy Birthday, Little scar

2 years since my operation, and I can’t believe how much my life has changed. No time, energy or inclination for a long post- but I couldn’t knowingly let today go by without posting about it! 

I was in so much pain, so confused and so out of it, and now everything is different. Yes, I still post about hard days and bad days and pains and discomforts but I can live an almost normal life, I can eat what I want , I’m not in agonising pain and I am not throwing up. Today makes me feel grateful. 

Here’s hoping life stays good and happy

H c

Fom sad to happy all in one call


I am way too quick to blog when I am sad, but this has to be the biggest shoutout to my favourite person, my boyfriend is incredible. I know like  90% of people will have just stopped reading, and to those of you powering on – thank you. (Side note: does it count as a shoutout when you are anonymous, you don’t mention any names and you have no intention of telling said person you wrote about them? Perhaps not…but you all get the gist 😉 )


Today is sunday, and I had a fab time with my family yesterday but was feeling the guilt for not working. So the plan was to get up and go to Santas grotto with the kids (my half brother and sister aged 8 and 4) then go for lunch together before coming home for the afternoon and I had planned to work. It is now 1pm and my stepmum earlier decided to go out shopping with my sister, and they have just not come back. It now means we aren’t going out for lunch because we have no time, I wont be able to see the kids meet santa because I have to work this afternoon, I feel like I wasted my morning and my work is going sh*t so I was having a bit of a feel sorry for myself. I had a little text-y moan to my boyfriend, sulked up back to my laptop and proceeded to eat a large handful of chocolate maltester things (which although delicious I now feel guilty for, considering I am more representing a whole pod of whales than a single human being at the moment. FML)

Anyway, we all have those times, but I think I let them get to  me more. I over think things, I feel sad, I feel tired, I let it all get on top of me. I  forget to think about the good and how lucky I am, and instead feel sad for no reason and then spiral – many a good day have I ruined in such a way. Anyway, I sent my boyfriend a snapchat of me eating the maltester things- since he had bought them for me last week or so; and he called me. He called me just to say he loved me. Just to say keep going with the work, just to say he missed me. And I of course promptly burst into tears – great work me. I honestly don’t deserve him. We are having a weekend away to have some space, so I can work and see family and so he can relax with his too – and its weird and I am not sure I like it, but at the same time I am enjoying it – but what I mean is, I am not his problem this weekend, he has no obligation (aside from being my boyfriend haha) to be looking after me, and yet he still is. He is fantastic and lovely and kind and sweet and I don’t know what I would do without him.

I realise this is one of the worst-written most cliché posts I have done (or if there are others worse than this, apologies!) but I had to type it, I had to say it, I want to shout it from the rooftops. I feel happy, pushed back up, lucky and determined. I think having so many shit days with my illness, I am used to just crying to myself, putting on a smile and faking being okay for so long; and now I have someone that I don’t have to fake it with, and who doesn’t care that I screw up probably more than I get it right, and that, THAT is something incredible.


On a side note – its 2 years today since I ended up in an ambulance and en route to A and E for 12 hours, how time has changed. Feeling so grateful that I have come so far from there, and so hopeful things never go back. Also a memory of my best friend from uni, who took perfect care of me, called the emergency services, helped me get dressed, held my hand, stayed with me, everything. I really am lucky. Friday 13th of 2013 was a bad day for me indeed, but Sunday 13th of 2015 is a day of reflection and of trying to be more grateful for everything I have.

H x

Tappity Tap tap

I love the fact that I don’t have a new moan, a new pain, to write about every day now. I hope it demonstrates to everyone out there that there are good and bad times. Fingers crossed that this lasts for a while, but I have to be realistic in the fact that it may not. All I can do is hope! I will continue to blog (sorry to anyone who thought that listening to my ramblings was nearly over 😉 ) because Crohns is still a part of me and of my daily life, whether it is actively causing me pain or not.

Just thought I would give you an update on my life at the moment. So tomorrow I am back to the doctors for an ECG and blood test – although neither are Crohns related! I was a bit concerned when I was in hospital over Christmas (okay, that bit is Crohnies playing up!) they were saying how my heart rate was quite fast a lot of the time, and seemed to monitor it a lot so I decided to just get it checked up now I am back at uni and everything 🙂
So, theres that. But otherwise I am in big rehersal mode! I am in a dance show this weekend with the university, my first one in years and years and my first ever tap one. I am SO excited! Although a little bit nervous too, since we performed infront of the others in the show (about 200 others) and I got the shakes very badly, but I think its a good experience! I remember trying to plan my operation; originally it wasn’t due to have happened yet it was due to happen over Easter and I was trying to plot it around Pure Dance (the show) and working out if I could go. Then it got moved forward to the end of January after exams, and I was concerned I would miss the show..then it happened as an emergency. But, on a positive, I only missed one rehersal in the time that I stayed at home for longer after the end of the Christmas holidays, and I caught up so quickly on the routine after being determined not to let Crohnies get in the way of that too! I just appreciate this so much more than everyone else I think, the fact that I CAN be in the show and enjoy it. My biggest worry is if I will fall over or do it wrong, as opposed to if I will even be able to walk to university because I have such bad cramps.

…its weird…writing that. I hadn’t really thought about it, my operation shouldn’t have happened yet. It if went to the original plan. I sit here typing this and looking at my scar, and it seems so much a part of me; and my life quality has increased so much since it happened…I cant imagine still waking every morning to the fear of waiting and seeing if the cramps and the pain was coming. I have never been so thankful that something happened in an emergency situation. It saved my lifestyle and my happiness; a bit dramatic maybe but it truly changed the way I was able to live my life. I have been able to do so many things, including joining the trampolining society, and all of these are things that wouldn’t have been available to me even 5 months ago. Madness. I am so, so thankful.

H x