Just one more whine…


so I know my posts have taken a bit of a negative turn in the past few days, but I’m having a bit of a rough ride of it! Hopefully after Wednesday and the end of my exams I will feel s little more in control!

So I had my Humira loading dose in Friday (see my last post for the fun filled details) and I was really proud of myself. I did 3 of the 4 injections myself, and despite crying through a mixture of pain/shock/nerves/ denial I just did it, I kept going and did something I wasn’t sure I could do. And I’m so so proud of myself for that. Hopefully one day I will be able to video/ take some photos of the humira injections for anyone wondering, but for now I really have to focus on myself and getting used to them! 

Anyway I digress, none of the injection sites have so far come up with any reactions at all, aside from the smallest bruise on one of them- and none hurt either. I also was lucky enough not to feel any of the describes symptoms in Friday evening ie headaches, nausea, feeling like I had the flu etc. however last night (sat night) I felt so sick lying in bed, had to prop mysf up on pillows and just focus on lying still and not being sick; and lying here now I sti feel sick and my stomach just feels wrong, uncomfortable and sore. Sigh. Is this just crohns it is it a side effect? I’m not really sure. But it doesn’t feel gret 3 days before my last exam. Not great at all.
H xx

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Why does life hit you all at once?


Maybe I am being dramatic, some people will say I am being an attention seeker, but as of 9am this morning when I found out my exam dates these are some of the things on my to do list, and I am stressing the hell out:

-finish coursework
-send all coursework recorded delivery to university by deadline, that I know arent as good as they could be because I haven’t done the module in 9 months, thanks Crohns.
-2 exams in the next week, no revision done for either as only told dates today
-find out what is in the exam due to be 9 months ago but not, thanks Crohns
-revise for exams whilst trying not to panic
-find out if still covered on Dads medical insurance since my stomach is really making me paranoid, thanks Crohns
– try to book to see doctors all of which are refusing to answer their phones
-try and get my prescription sorted because I need it to stay healthy or else I could crash and burn like last time; which is harder than it sounds because of re-registering to different doctors, and receptionists who refuse to listen to what I am trying to tell them, thanks Crohns
– Book colonoscopies, blood tests and a test to check my Vit D level because I haven’t had them in months as there is no co-ordination between the doctors I am seeing.

THANKS CROHNS.

Feel like my whole life is out of control, I cant keep everything together. And all of it seems to be rooted in Crohns, I hate this thing so much sometimes I cant do anything but cry in frustration. WHY.

Its such a dramatic post I know, but some of you will be able to relate to the bursts of anger you get at how unfair all of this is, as well as the illness itself there is all the admin and organisation and burden that comes with it and sometimes it feels impossible.

I will climb this mountain, I know I will. I have no choice. But right now, sitting at base camp at the bottom of the climb it feels a little bit impossible.

H x

New Years Resolutions?


New Years Resolutions?

I don’t often make any New Years Resolutions…they are the usual “go to the gym” “be healthy” “pass my exams”… and this year it wasn’t until I was reading around on wordpress about all the resolutions everyone else has made that I decided to make some myself…yes I am 3 days late but SHH…lets ignore that 😉

I spent a chilled out New Years Eve with my auntie and almost-uncle (her boyfriend of over 10 years), due to just getting out of hospital I wasn’t up for much but we just ate some dinner, played a board game and watched a film then some of the new years programs – nothing mind blowing but nice, safe, relaxed and easy. Just what I needed! At the time all I was thinking about was wishing that 2014 would bring me better health than 2013, and that the only way was upwards; but I think in retrospect a resolution has to be something that we can influence, something we can do to make a positive difference to our own lives, and my Crohns is actually something I have very little control over. It is all very well wishing and hoping that this year brings me some relief from the disease, and I will do so until I am blue in the face- but realistically there is a limited amount of control I have. So, I need to make some other resolutions that I can keep, and can motivate myself to do. So here they are:

– I aim to continue to be consistent and thorough in beating Crohns in whatever way I can, be it taking all the medicine regurlarly, making all the blood tests, and general organisational skills

– I aim to not let Crohns get me down any more. If I am having a bad day then fine, wallow, get it out my system; but I will not lose sight of all the positives that I have in my life, and I will focus on getting back into my routine and being happy. Crohns will not bring me down!

– I will try to keep this blog up and active, and aim to increase the numbers of followers, readers and commenters – the more the merrier, and not only do I feel like I can spread awareness, but it makes me more positive and gives me a focus.

– I will try to raise money for Crohns disease research, heaven knows we need more awareness, support and money placed into researching the causes and solutions.

– Pass my exams, and my coursework and do not get demotivated, keep working through it! Find a topic for my dissertation!

– maybe most importantly of all? appreciate the friends and family I have around me, and work to keep all those relations as they are, or improve them. Crohns doesn’t define me, it is simply one small part of me – and I do not want to let it take over the rest of me. It can stay in its little box whilst I get on with my life.

Im not sure if they are practical, or if they are what some people would consider “real” resolutions, but for me they are a lot, they are enough, they are good to aim for. This post has turned out a bit… I don’t know what the word is, but a bit..pompous? a bit too “I am going to aim perfection I can achieve anything if I believe” which I know as well as the next person just isn’t true. Sometimes though, on a good day, you need to aim high and far, in an attempt to keep your chin above the water, and give yourself some positive aims for the future, and that’s just what I have done 🙂

Hope you guys all had a lovely New Years, and are looking forward to a positive 2014!

H x