decisions are not my friend…


Hi again,

I know¬†I only posted a pretty miserable post yesterday, and I am sure the last thing you want to hear about is all the same crap again…but here it is. sorry. (promise to try to be a little more upbeat next time!)

So a review of my current situation:

I am at home, in my PJS having been off sick from work for the second day in a row. After having only been in for 8 days. By Friday I will have been out of offie for 50% of the time they have employed me. So I am not sure how much longer that will go on….

I am stressed about work. about them understanding that I am not faking this illness, about them not firing me. But then I don’t LOVE the job. I took it in haste to earn money, but now I think it may be a mistake, that maybe I should have held out longer for a job I actually really enjoyed. Should I quit? should I do a masters? Or a PGCE? I know where I want to be, but at the moment I cant quite get there. I want to move to London because my boyfriend is heading there. But should I live outside of London with a friend (but it will be expensive and still a commute, and in a small and quiet town) or should I just randomly flat share with strangers to get closer to London…but that means I have to keep the job because I need a definite way of paying rent.

I have tried to volunteer in so many museums, but to no avail. so how can I move out if I cant even secure a volunteering space?

I want my blood test results back. I am worried about being ill. I am angry that my hospital hasn’t monitored me, so I cannot be sure that it isn’t something more serious.

I am stressed about what job decision to make.

I am scared of getting left behind in my friends lives

I am scared of being ill again, and im paranoid that just a sore throat has knocked me off work for two days with emergency blood tests and panics. How does anyone live a ormal life like this ?

So many decisions. so many big questions, and all need answers relatively quick. and I have none of them. Someone, help me?

#disheartened

H x