title quote from Hubert H Humphrey
This is my scar as of yesterday, and yes, finally I see progress! Maybe that is a little Melodramatic, but I can finally begin to accept that this scar is mine now, I claim it as my own and move on and get on with it. I don’t need to check it every hour, its still there, its still “ugly” but its fading and healing and one day I will have to point it out to people who will squint at my stomach and dismiss it as not much. I look forward to that day – ironically I guess I am going to miss it. It is pretty much the only physical reminder I have of my Crohns, and as such it is something I can show people to prove I was ill. If my stomach hurts, I can show my scar, if I am feeling too tired and drained from being ill, I can show them my scar; but in the future the scar is going to fade and I guess I am scared that with it too will fade peoples belief in my illness. On the other hand, I am hoping that the Crohns is going to be in remission for a while now (touch wood) because of the operation and the medicines I continue to take, but who knows…
This post started as something quite jolly – my scar is fading and it was a bit of good news to update you all with…but somehow it turned a little bit sour when I started writing. You know that feeling when your typing and more thoughts just flow into your head and change the direction of the sentence? That’s what just happened here, that little revelation struck me that actually (loathe as I am to admit it) I guess in a weird kind of way I am going to grow attached to my scar, my little battle wound as it were.
Moving on, the reason I picked that quote as the title to the post is because at the moment I am feeling positive and happy, I have a lot of stresses and pressures on me, and I am feeling a bit bogged down with it all – but I keep being reminded of what amazing friends and family I have all around me, and they buoy me up on my bad days. I am so grateful to every single one of them.
Hoping that you are all having a lovely weekend