Cheeky Little Update…


So I have nothing that special to say (probably NOT the best way to start  a post, but hey ho! Honesty is the best policy and all that 😉 )  but feel like its been a while, so thought I would just check in and fill y’all in with the nothingness that is going on at the moment 😉

 

I have had a LOOOOVELY Christmas and New Years period, not in half because my boyfriend has had some time off and it was nice to be able to see him for more than just a weekend, although unfortunately not that much longer 😦

I went to Winter Wonderland twice – once with the family which was super sweet, and once with my boyfriend which was lovely too 🙂 Also we went to see the new star wars in the Electric Theatre at Notting Hill – which I CAN’T RECOMMEND ENOUGH. So much fun! We actually got the tickets from our friends who couldn’t go, and they had very exciting-ly bought some of the seats at the back, a nice comfy sofa with tables, blankets and the like – and we enjoyed the film in 3D with the company of a HUGE chocolate brownie and some drinks, so nice! I have seen a lot of family and friends over the last few days, one of my best friends is visiting from Australia, so that’s exciting and been nice seeing him when I can; although Masters work is really starting to get in the way! (how annoying!)

I am genuinely feeling the “job stress”,  I would LOVE to work in a museum environment, or a heritage environment like English Heritage; and specifically in the education department, but right now that just seems impossible, which is pretty depressing. And the only jobs that exist are on what appear to be the tiniest every salary- not enough for me to move out and do the things I want to be doing, so that’s quite tough. I am trying to apply for them still, and also start for some grad schemes – it stresses me out that after the end of this masters in just a few short months now I have nothing to go onto, and that terrifies me. I feel like I am being left behind. I also broached the idea of moving in together with my boyfriend, which didn’t go down that well. Not gonna lie, that hurt pretty bad -rejection isn’t something that’s fun to feel; and although I get his reasoning, doesn’t make it much easier! And the fact I have 0 job and 0 money to look forward to means I feel even further away from him, and the life he is moving towards. Not that he has done anything to exclude me from it, its just so far from where I am / could be, and that scares me! BLEUGH – no point in moaning, I guess it will happen or it wont!

Crohns has been fine -back on the humira injections and Azathiaprine. One thing that has been a pain is I got a cut by my ear, like where the ear lobe joins your head (if that makes sense?!) and I must have had it for over a month now and it just WILL NOT heal. I guess due to my new potato-like immune system, but its so sore and just getting worse, which is pretty annoying!

 

Hmm ,for a post where I had nothing to say I managed to moan / ramble  quite a lot!

Hope you are all well and enjoying your New years,

H x

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Guess who’s back?! 


Sorry for the break since my last post (or maybe you all are welcoming the peace and quiet?!) but I am back and back with a vengeance 😉 I have just been so busy recently and everytime I have thought about posting I chicken out, it’s tiring to put yourself out there and open yourself up to the world sometimes! 

Anyway, where am I now? Sat in the cafe opposite UCL Archaeology Building waiting to go for my next lecture,  because yes I AM A MASTERS STUDENT awahhooooo. Very exciting but also tiring and slightly stressful! I am enjoying it but it is all a lot f pressure and quite scary!

Things with my boyfriend are…good. We had a bit of a rough patch which is hard and scary, but we are also (I think) having some of the best times together. I found out yesterday he has read part of this blog (hey if one day you read this!) and it felt pretty damn weird. I ha said I wouldn’t mind but since I didn’t know he was it felt a bit like snooping I guess. I asked what he thought, although I was dreading the answer. I was worried he would think “moany” “grumpy” “pathetic” “weird” and the like; and all he was actually saying was that I should never stop. Never change what I write, to keep being honest and truthful and leaking anything I need to to make myself feel better. All he was worried about what that I found out he read this and that it would change what or how I wrote. And maybe it will. And I am sad about that. But I am also pleased and feel even closer to him. I am proud I am dating someone who is so kind that that is all he worries about, not the manic moaning and weird whining that he read. So, if you ever read this- thank you. X

Have had such a lovely weekend, although q few ups and downs, and am already counting down the days until the next one- y life seems spent waiting for something else to happen, which isn’t how I want it to be! 

I am scared about the future and how much everything is going to be changing for me. And how o hope that I can hold on to some things that I have now, and it will slip away. I hope it doesn’t. I am so so happy, and those times when i feel sad I can cope. And that feels good.
Wish me luck with yet another humira injection tonight. Sob.

H x

Let’s smash this 👌🏼


okay so sometime you gotta fake it till you make it. I may not be sure of myself and of my future, but If I’m not positive about it, then it definitely won’t happen! 

I am gonna ACE the last few weeks at my job, making some extra money and helping them out.

I may be the heaviest I have been, but I am going to LOVE the way I look because it is a result of everything I have been through and I am going to PERSEVERE (had to google how to spell that!) with trying to lose weight, one day it WILL happen

I am going to ENJOY my new masters and make new friends and continue to be a happy, friendly person

I will NERD UP , study hard and SUCCEED at my masters. It is something I love and something o know I can do well at.

I will get ORGANISED and make sure I get on with my volunteering, being a HELPER-FAIRY- ARCHAEOLOGY-MUSEUM-WOMAN getting involved in as many projects as I can to boost my CV, my confidence and experience, and who knows, someone may even pay me for it!

I will CALM DOWN about my finances, obviously money is a concern but I can get through this and I have committed so I may as well push for the best outcome

I can be happy for the change in others lives and their ACHIEVEMENTS without feeling like I pale in comparison. Everyone is different else life would be boring. 

I will SQUASH my crohns insecurities and take on anything it throws at me. Again. Hah. 
I can do all this, and more. I need to focus on the amazing potential this year has and not all the scary parts. It is hard to keep on track and everything but I need to keep trying. Let’s do this. 

H x

Humira loading dose done


so today I have had a massive hospital calling stress, an exam and my first 4 humira injections. Please just let it be over!  Think the exam went well, which is good because I really needed it too! The humira…haven’t been so scared in a long time. Had 4 injections as my loading dose, bless two of my housemates who were on call for hand holding and general questioning and support! Surprised by quite how much the injections hurt, seriously quite painful and me gasp out loud in shock and pain- but they are done, finally. I’m on the road I hope. God, it hurt. It really did, but at least it’s over quick! Haven’t had too many side effects at the moment, fingers crossed it doesn’t change!  Onwards and upwards  H xx

Being comfortable in your own skin…


Being comfortable in your own skin...

…is a lot easier when your snuggled up in a onesie 😉 (check me ouuuttt! how cute do the little ears look?! Its my favourite one of about 5 😉 )

But it has a lot more to do with just accepting who you are, and what your doing. I love what I do, and my family and friends and everything that I have built up around me – but sometimes its hard to love my body when it keeps breaking, or letting me down. But that is now just a part of me, and one that I have to just get on with, although its obviously much easier to type that than to do.

My scar is looking so much better, and (as is obvious) has literally no impact on my life – how would a scar on my stomach make a difference in my lectures or my gym classes or chatting to my friends?! of course it doesn’t, of course; but thinking back to lying on that hospital bed I remember thinking nothing would be the same, dramatic? yes? morphine induced? probably. but still – the thought was there.

yesterday I was finishing unpacking all the stuff from home and I had accidently bought the bag with me from hospital, it had all my get well cards in and some Christmas decoratinos that my adorable Mum had bought in to cheer the room up – and it made me sad, and nostalgic (is that the right word here? I don’t know…) in a way I miss that time, but I don’t really understand why. I think the hospital room became my own weird little isolated world and cocoon, and although I have NO desire to return, I miss it in a weird way? now this red string of hearts is hanging off my pinboard at uni, and it use to hang under the TV at hospital – I held up a picture of it in hospital next to it in my room, its weird, but its a little link. a memory? a part of me 🙂

The literal most randomest warbliest post I have written in a while, apologies. Back to feeling happy with what your doing – you have made set decisions in life, accept them and live with them, and if they make you unhappy make new decisions that change your situation.
I am back at uni and loving this term so far, my lectures are really interesting (except the core one which so far isn’t so great) today my lecture was actually a third year module (yes, I’m keen 😉 ) and was all about computing in archaeology -really interesting stuff 🙂 very excited for the things to come and the opportunities to try things out and hopefully get some better and clearer ideas regarding my dissertation.

Hope you have all had a lovely January!

H x

Welcome to my world…


So,  my first post… exciting!

I’m not really sure how to write this in a way that doesn’t sound either massively cliché or boring, but I will give it my best shot!

The reason I am creating this blog is because yesterday I had a really shit day, and I thought, sod it, do something for a change to make yourself feel better- and this is what I decided to do. The reason I was feeling so bad was my Crohn’s disease – something you will hear my rabbiting on about in the future I’m sure!

Instead of me trying to regurgitate everything the doctors have told me, here’s a basic summary of Crohn’s:  http://crohns.nutricia.co.uk/crohns_disease/what-is-crohnss-disease-cd

And a little bit about me:

I am 20 years old and am studying archaeology at university, just finishing my first term of my second year – starting to feel the stress! I love my course and the people I live with are my best friends, and am super close to my family who support me in everything I do. I hate writing about my Crohns as part of one of the things that defines me, but I guess I have to accept that it is part of what makes me me, and in some ways it makes me a better person. I was diagnosed last year after several months of doctors thinking it was different things, and since then have been on a number of different medicines, steroids and the like. I am currently on Azathriaprine (sorry my spelling is awful!) and just came off the steroid Prednisolene a few days ago. So far it is having little effect and I am feeling worse then ever both physically and mentally, so my consultant is considering  a surgery in the early months of next year – scary

But, this blog isn’t just a way for me to rant about my illness, its meant to document my sad days like yesterday, my frustrations and struggles, but also my triumphs – for I am hoping to have a few of these along the way! I hope it lets other people relate to me who are in a similar situation, but also that it raises awareness for Crohns, which I feel is like an invisible and isolating condition to have.

H x