decisions are not my friend…


Hi again,

I know I only posted a pretty miserable post yesterday, and I am sure the last thing you want to hear about is all the same crap again…but here it is. sorry. (promise to try to be a little more upbeat next time!)

So a review of my current situation:

I am at home, in my PJS having been off sick from work for the second day in a row. After having only been in for 8 days. By Friday I will have been out of offie for 50% of the time they have employed me. So I am not sure how much longer that will go on….

I am stressed about work. about them understanding that I am not faking this illness, about them not firing me. But then I don’t LOVE the job. I took it in haste to earn money, but now I think it may be a mistake, that maybe I should have held out longer for a job I actually really enjoyed. Should I quit? should I do a masters? Or a PGCE? I know where I want to be, but at the moment I cant quite get there. I want to move to London because my boyfriend is heading there. But should I live outside of London with a friend (but it will be expensive and still a commute, and in a small and quiet town) or should I just randomly flat share with strangers to get closer to London…but that means I have to keep the job because I need a definite way of paying rent.

I have tried to volunteer in so many museums, but to no avail. so how can I move out if I cant even secure a volunteering space?

I want my blood test results back. I am worried about being ill. I am angry that my hospital hasn’t monitored me, so I cannot be sure that it isn’t something more serious.

I am stressed about what job decision to make.

I am scared of getting left behind in my friends lives

I am scared of being ill again, and im paranoid that just a sore throat has knocked me off work for two days with emergency blood tests and panics. How does anyone live a ormal life like this ?

So many decisions. so many big questions, and all need answers relatively quick. and I have none of them. Someone, help me?

#disheartened

H x

One thought on “decisions are not my friend…

  1. I feel your pain. And I am so sorry to hear all of that going on. It’s frutstrating for sure. I think the hardest park is not being able to know when it will end or when the doctors will have an answer. I have started a blog myself and teamed up with some amazing people who have suffered from undescribable pain. Some have been diagnosed with Crohns, some still trying to figure it out. The vision for it is to have a place where community can come together and learn what has worked, what hasn’t, and just be able to know they aren’t alone. If you want to check it out its glorifiedguts.wordpress.com

    I hope you start feeling better soon!

Congratulations on getting through my rambles to the end of the post! Reading comments, feedback and questions literally makes my day, so please... comment below :)

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