1) Cry. Probably quite a lot. and then when you think you are done and just innocently washing the dishes or watching a film, those pesky tears will most likely come back and threaten to overwhelm you again. Just give in, let yourself cry.
2) Anger. LIFE IS SO UNFAIR. Why is it back? I beat it once, I cant do it again, why me, why now, why why WHY.
3) The sassy “Screw you” attitude. PAH, you think your going to bring me down Crohns? I crushed you once, I will do it again, you will not defeat me…prepare to regret your return!
4) Repeat stage 1 as you realise that stage 3 was simply a coping mechanism and perhaps not at all true, you have had time to let it sink in and reality has hit.
5) fear. I cant go through this again.
6) Acceptance. Its back, may as well get on with it and try not to let it ruin my life or the fun times I am having.
7) A combination of every single previous stage all at once. It is overwhelming, and right now this is the stage I am in – stuck here. I am terrified, I am angry, I am nervous, I am indignant, I am every emotion you can imagine. I cry at night, I break down scared of what is coming, but I have friends, family and the most amazing boyfriend who pick me back up, prop me infront of the tv with a hug and a snack and show me that my life is going on just as well as before. I don’t know what to do, I can feel it returning and this is worse – I have the fear now, the fear of what might happen.
Seeing the specialist on Friday, so fingers crossed.
Hope you are all well