Check this little link out…

I know I have already posted today, but I HAVE JUST FINISHED MY DISSERTATION AND IM VERY VERY EXCITED. And proud, and feeling accomplished! anyway, I was googling best Crohns-blogs online and on one of them was a link to this quiz; if any of you are living with crohns perhaps think about filling this in 🙂

H xx

7 stages of coming to terms with the return of crohns

1) Cry. Probably quite a lot. and then when you think you are done and just innocently washing the dishes or watching a film, those pesky tears will most likely come back and threaten to overwhelm you again. Just give in, let yourself cry.

2) Anger. LIFE IS SO UNFAIR. Why is it back? I beat it once, I cant do it again, why me, why now, why why WHY.

3) The sassy “Screw you” attitude. PAH, you think your going to bring me down Crohns? I crushed you once, I will do it again, you will not defeat me…prepare to regret your return!

4) Repeat stage 1 as you realise that stage 3 was simply a coping mechanism and perhaps not at all true, you have had time to let it sink in and reality has hit.

5) fear. I cant go through this again.

6) Acceptance. Its back, may as well get on with it and try not to let it ruin my life or the fun times I am having.

7) A combination of every single previous stage all at once. It is overwhelming, and right now this is the stage I am in – stuck here. I am terrified, I am angry, I am nervous, I am indignant, I am every emotion you can imagine. I cry at night, I break down scared of what is coming, but I have friends, family and the most amazing boyfriend who pick me back up, prop me infront of the tv with a hug and a snack and show me that my life is going on just as well as before. I don’t know what to do, I can feel it returning and this is worse – I have the fear now, the fear of what might happen.

Seeing the specialist on Friday, so fingers crossed.

Hope you are all well

H xxx

Crohns is back and fighting, but so am I…

Hi all,

So sorry for the dramatic last post and then lack of follow up – to say that this Easter has been hectic for me is an understatement! I have had the hospital filled first week, and then since then I have had to complete three 2000 word essays, my dissertation and prepare for two exams – all of which happen within 3 weeks of each other. Stressed doesn’t even cover it!

Writing this quickly just as an update, before packing up and heading back to university for the final push! Cant believe I have nearly finished, so much has changed…but that’s a post for another day!

With regards to my crohns the colonoscopy was grim (aren’t they always?!) and they confirmed that there is ulceration indicating that Crohns is back, which is very disappointing; but luckily it isn’t as bad as was expected, it currently isn’t too aggressive – which is something positive! I have only upped my current medication by 25mg a day, which isn’t even an extra tablet, so so far it is all under control. As it stands now though, I haven’t been told to d anything really, just to wait..just to see what happens and THAT my friends is a little terrifying. Now as if I don’t have enough on my plate, I was told to meet my specialist when I get back to university to discuss future treatments and the future in general – but to do this my private health care has to approve the meeting, and they wont do so at the moment because I fear I have reached my maximum usage. They need to review my case files and assess how much, if any, more support thye can provide. This is SUPER stressful, it not only requires so much more of my time to fill in forms and chase secretaries to follow up to allow this assessment to take place, it also means that there is the chance they will not approve for me to go back – just cut me off as it were. My parents have said they will pay for me to have one last meeting with my consultant to arrange a future health plan if thi s occurs, but I like my doctor and want to stay with someone I have finally found who I trust and like – ARGH!

But, I have to remember how much I did with my crohns – and that was when I was really, really ill. I went to Rome, I excavated an archeological site for three weeks, I travelled to Naples and Pompeii. I climbed Mount Vesuvious – actually did this during a flare and was nearly crying at the top- but I did it. I climbed it. I conquered it!  This is what I need to remember, I was a lot more ill last time, and I still managed to achieve so much. now I know what is happening, I know what I am fighting and I have help and support from the start – I am stronger and wise and better, which means I can achieve even more than last time – right? It means I shouldn’t let it get me down and should just keep fighting for what I want to do in life, and Crohns can come along for the ride if it wants, but it is NOT in charge.

Sometimes a cheesy self -motivation speech is just what you need.

Chins up,

H xx